if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
