I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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