it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
