just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
