he shaved USA in his pubs
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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