Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
