I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
