Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
