Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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