you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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