Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
