I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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