he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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