I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
