my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish I only lived at night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
