better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
