'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What a dumb baby whore.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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