I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
