Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
