I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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