Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
