Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
