What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
