Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
this just has baby written all over it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
