I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
