I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
