U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Randomize
