Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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