I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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