You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
