Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss