did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit