Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.