Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it

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  (443): but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it http://tfl.nu/n2yq
  Replies (11) Good night (1119) Bad night (3924)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other

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  (605): I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other http://tfl.nu/boea
  Replies (24) Good night (5778) Bad night (1760)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.

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  (330): now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before. http://tfl.nu/kk2m
  Replies (14) Good night (2689) Bad night (1194)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.

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  (850): She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed. http://tfl.nu/7kwk
  Replies (10) Good night (3263) Bad night (910)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids

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  (720): Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids http://tfl.nu/b5v5
  Replies (25) Good night (10425) Bad night (1631)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.

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  (732): Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home. http://tfl.nu/palx
  Replies (2) Good night (3011) Bad night (887)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.

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  (207): I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate. http://tfl.nu/7qra
  Replies (14) Good night (2321) Bad night (960)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.

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  (850): HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM. http://tfl.nu/agqo
  Replies (13) Good night (775) Bad night (2374)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.

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  (864): Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night. http://tfl.nu/lqaz
  Replies (6) Good night (1397) Bad night (1663)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"

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  (505): You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex" http://tfl.nu/srnr
  Replies (4) Good night (1594) Bad night (579)
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  (626): View more from California

  I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?

  (949): View more from California

  OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.

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  (626): I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me? (949): OH MY GOD. SO PROUD. http://tfl.nu/ybsq
  Replies (15) Good night (2091) Bad night (878)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"

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  (617): hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?" http://tfl.nu/pq50
  Replies (14) Good night (3771) Bad night (943)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.

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  (314): The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder. http://tfl.nu/bkbj
  Replies (11) Good night (2316) Bad night (729)
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  (805): View more from California

  My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday

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  (805): My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday http://tfl.nu/39ab
  Replies (2) Good night (873) Bad night (364)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.

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  (281): Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth. http://tfl.nu/2igt
  Replies (4) Good night (925) Bad night (336)

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