My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
