True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
