Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
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Just invented taco cereal.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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