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So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
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