the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
