You really coming over, don't trick.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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