if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
