And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
