Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Houston, we have a blender
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
