Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
