Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
