If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
