it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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