I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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