Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
