I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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