We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
