wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I am one with the molecules
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
