is your mom at the bar?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
