On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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