you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
