party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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