Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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