She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
