dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
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BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So apparently I’m into choking now
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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