Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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