fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
