You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
