why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
