Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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