Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
