Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
