WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
