hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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