Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
